I Still Dream in Facets

February 28, 2018

A year ago last Monday I was diagnosed with stage III c aggressive / invasive breast cancer. We were expecting the call, and waited. It came at 4:24 p.m. It’s a peculiar thing, being diagnosed. It’s horrifying and a relief all at the same time because one can stop speculating and get on with it. I became keenly aware that my body was not my own. I knew it never was, but became keenly aware.

Disappointment came in the form of hopes unrealized and dreams deferred. How ironic that 2 years to the week before, I posted an image of a faceted white topaz I’d set captioned “I dream in facets”. True story - I really do. I’m fascinated by the God of the universe giving us a glimpse of His heaven through gemstones birthed in His earth. What I wanted more than anything was to continue to do the thing with Him. Him and me, doing the gemstone and jewelry thing, showing His glory through “beauty set in stone”. It’s hard to do the thing - or anything - when it feels like the life’s being choked out of you. I wanted His download of inspiration, but found it difficult to catch my breath. I couldn’t get past the terrorist in my chest. I couldn’t, but God could.

Fast forward 12 months...the terrorist has been evicted and here I stand in more than one dream realized. I serve the God of Dreams Restored. I serve the God of Life. Psalm 27:13 is truth for me: “I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” I came to life after my surgery and began living again. Goodness comes through the beautiful souls I’ve met and bonded with along the way, many of them cancer thrivers like me. Stories have been told and hearts connected - even in this very studio space in the few weeks I’ve been here. We understand each other. We understand the terrain. Coming through cancer changes a person - it’s wide open throttle and no holds barred. Too often the enemy of my soul tries to rob me of any ground I’ve made, but I press on. This dream looks different - better - than I imagined because I am different. I still dream in facets, but from a better perspective. The view is ever changing - and always breathtaking.